SomewhatDamaged.net

This afternoon I was waiting at a weigh station for inspection and I got to chatting it up with the State Patrol Officer there. We were talking about nonsense for a while when I asked him how fast his cruiser could go. After a second he replies “I’ve got it up to about 130mph.”

A HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILES PER FUCKING HOUR!!! How the fuck am I supposed to out run that in my little 4 cyclinder pickup truck which tops out at about 85?!? And that’s going downhill with a moderate tailwind. Here I am throwing shit out the window trying to lighten my load and gain a few extra precious miles per hour, and meanwhile he’s chillin’ back there with the A/C on listening to his favorite jazz tunes. And he’s cocky about it, too as if HE’S awesome cuz his work vehicle THAT I PAID FOR goes fast.

What?!? It’s called an AC Suit, citizen.

First off; fuck you. It’s not your car. You didn’t soup it up and make it awesome. The tax payers did. Secondly, I didn’t pay those tax dollars to make it easier for you to give me a $120 ticket.

Here’s what I’m thinking… divide the police cars into two categories: Emergency response and traffic. Keep the emergency response cars the way they are and let’s make a few modifications to the traffic ones. I’m thinking they should be mandated to run on no more than a quarter-tank of gas. Also, they have to run on one spare tire at all times. Oh, and they should be towing an 11 foot CrisCraft Speedboat on a flimsy trailer. We need to level the playing field here. 130mph. For fuck’s sake.

Let’s take it a step further, actually. Rip the roof off dat sucka, Smokey and The Bandit Style. Let’s see how 80mph feels then with your Little Debbie snack cakes flying everywhere, coffee spilling on everything and your little gay tie that keeps flapping up and hittin’ ya in the face. High speed chases would be way more interesting and fun for everyone involved, and that’s what it’s really about people. It’s about having good, clean, innocent fun at the expense of the police officer’s safety.

Hell, maybe we could even make a televised sport out of it. I don’t know about you, but I’d pay top dollar to watch some fat cop trying to hold his stupid little hat on his fat head flying down the highway with his cheeks flapping around like some twisted 1970′s wind tunnel experiment, which is a totally uninspired idea I came up with completely on my own.

FML….

With ideas like this, I should be doing less truck driving and more presidenting.

It’s got a failing band and a failing dumb drunk fat chick. What else do you want?

Final last words: “I’ll take you on”…..

Step 1: Prepare for backflip. Check
Step 2: Perform backflip…

This cop was trying to arrest a woman (allegedly for jaywalking) when a 17 year old girl, same size as the cop mind you, starts interfering. The officer, clearly outnumbered, then does the most awesome thing ever. He clocks the 17 year old bitch right in the face, Kimbo Slice style.

And don’t give me that “are you serious?” bullshit you dumbfuck camera-guy. This is what happens when you interfere with the police. I don’t know what your mother taught you growing up, but I know for damn sure if either of my parents saw me gettin’ all up in a cop’s shit like that, they’d fuck me up a lot more.

This cop was just doing what he had to do in order to neutralize the threat and regain control of the situation and anybody who says they wouldn’t do the same thing is a fucking liar. Anyway… here’s the video:

Wonder how long this took? Get a job, dude.

It is Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals and your Philadelphia Flyers are in a do-or-die situation, down 3-2 in the series and trailing by a goal in the third period. You are already quite impatient and clinging to the edge of your seat when suddenly, and unexpectedly, the television keeps turning off.

I live in Scranton, PA… where the local weather guy’s a total d-bag. I think this guy would make the perfect replacement.

You don’t have to be 85 years old to tell some good ol’ back-in-the-day stories. Many of us still remember the days of yore when talking on your cell phone while driving wasn’t a big deal. Now a days, get busted checking your voicemail and you’ll land your ass a 6 week vacation in Guantanamo Bay.

Little convenience like this were taken for granted until they were taken away from us, also referred to as the day the world threw their arms up in the air in the largest collective “what the fuck happened?” ever recorded. So heed my sage advice, and enjoy a few more of these little things that will soon be raped from our world. Things like:
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This isn’t the first ladder fail caught on tape we’ve posted lately, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However, this guy gets extra credit for landing in a way that has undoubtedly never been done before.