SomewhatDamaged.net

Funny skit

Starts off a little slow, but trust me… get’s REALLY funny.

Oh Tsim… you’re such a lady’s man!

I want to make two immediate points about this video before I get into this with any more detail. First off, don’t waste your money buying it, and secondly (and much more likely) don’t even waste your time downloading it.

Another warning that I think should be stamped all over the outside of the DVD like a Surgeon General’s Label is that this isn’t 2010 Kendra with the sexy eyes, full-bodied hair and amazing fake tits that we know from ‘The Girls Next Door’. No no nooo… this is 2003 “training bra” Kendra! Complete with her trailer trash, scraggly hair and desperately-in-need-of-Proactive-but-it-hasn’t-been-invented-yet face.

And the ass of a 73 year old truck driver…

OK, so Fugly Kendra is not what we were hoping for. Surely there must be hope for the lady’s being that Kendra Wilkinson would only sleep with the studliest of studs, right? If you thought so, you’re not very good at picking up on painfully obvious foreshadowing…

Kendra decided to film her agonizing “star” debut with that creepy neighbor type guy (hereafter referred to as Shrek) who mows his lawn with his shirt off, effectively slaying the sex drives of every innocent heterosexual within sight. Shrek’s basically this oaffy, over-weight ginger freak who normally couldn’t score a girl half as hot as Kendra Wilkinson if it were arranged by the Make-a-Wish foundation. How these two got hooked up, and what she was doing at the comic book convention they undoubtedly met at, is beyond me.

He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does… it’s Dos Equis.

The production doesn’t give all the other flaws anything to fall back on, either. It basically has all the makings of your average bargain-bin Logitech webcam production and awkward sexual misdirection you would expect from two high-school kids savagely fondling each other in the back seat of a school bus. There’s one point, about half-way through, where Shrek is climbing all over Kendra like a fat man smothering a puppy, where you can see (and vaguely hear) her telling him he’s doing it wrong. Then she starts pointing all over the place like she’s a fucking conductor for the London Philharmonic.

Even the opening credits give a glimpse into the haunting disappointment you’re about to experience when it claims that “the sexual situations in the following adult feature are shown for entertainment and informational purposes“. Yes, thank you for informing me I’m watching a moderately attractive chick (by 90′s standards) getting nailed by the guy who sells shoes at the flea market. It then goes on to preach safe sex and the use of condoms, mere minutes before showing Shrek bare-backin’ it with a walking sack of STD’s.

All in all, I give it two thumbs down. Three if you count my now even more-so flaccid penis.


Breakdown:

Stars – Nothing you’d look twice at.
Lighting – About that of an emergency stairwell.
Production – Piss poor
Use of hand over camera lens – Excellent
Awkward angles – Fair
Motion sickness – Guaranteed

I’d watch this! Hell yeah!

Well… I now know what I want for Christmas!

It’s amazing to watch this golf ball deform like crazy. So amazing, in fact, I suspect fake. Anyone else think so?

It’s funny to watch this reporter fail over and over again, but watch at the 1 minute mark for pure hilarity.

Well, last night was the say I had been dreading for the last 6 years of my life… LOST came to an end. It is no more, and I guess I just need to come to terms with that, accept it and move on. I’ve been blessed, really, as many of you have as well to have been lucky enough to be able to enjoy a show like LOST for as long as I did, and that it never failed to entertain. Not for one single episode.

And I love how, even with all the millions of fan theories floating around, the writers were still able to throw us a curveball at the end that (let’s be honest) nobody had predicted. Some came close when theorizing that they were all dead while on the island, and that the island were some sort of purgatory. Lo and behold, the Flash-Sideways Timeline was the purgatory the whole time. Even the most clownshit insane Lost conspiracy theorist didn’t see that coming.
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Hilarious spoof (new spinoff?) of LOST. This time, with babies.