At least, I think this is a pest control commercial. A slightly more hairy but less fat version of Madea doing his/her ironing in a cartoon apartment populated by a single cockroach. Also, there is singing.
Do I really need to make a joke here?
After a few beers this guy thinks he can still do a handstand but ends up losing his balance and falling face first off a platform and onto his cars bumper.
Some time ago, when the iPhone was first coming out, Apple decided to not go with the flow of typical commercialization. As a matter of fact, all of Apple’s commercials were a little quirky, which I’m pretty damn sure is what made some of those terrible indy songs so goddamn popular. Despite the songs being the kind of music you would hear in mock-incest pornos, I always thought that what Apple did was sort of commendable because, even if it sucked, at least they were being different.
Jump ahead to today and you see this sort of thing for every product on earth from car commercials, to Hewlett-Packard’s printer ads. They’re all adapting the same basic format with the shitty music from some no-name group, a malado kid with a nasty, frizzy afro and an anorexic blonde chick. This means that the old trendy is now the new standard.
There’s only one problem with this: These aren’t real life people. I can’t relate to this. I want to see crackheads stealing dimes from the Give a Penny / Take a Penny tray at Blockbuster. I want to see a crazy homeless dude smashing coconuts open with his forehead because they were calling him girl names. I want to see a pregnant, Mexican, chain smoking, mother of 4 defrauding the Government for an extra $8 in food stamps.
Then Sprint went the extra mile with this abortion:
What the fuck was THAT?!?
They plop some ginger, albino bitch in the middle of a fucking cornfield and film her talking about about reincarnation and I’m supposed to want to go out and buy a Goddamn cell phone?? Are you kidding me? It makes me want to go out and buy another gun! Gingers are growing in numbers and will, in all likelihood, overtake our planet. This is scary shit people.
There’s nothing wrong with toning your muscles, and fortunately for this guy, black and blue and both tones.
My girlfriend’s little brother has these shoes called Heelys. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen them, but long story short, there just shoes with wheels in the heel part, so you kinda just lean your feet backwards and fucking viola! You’re rolling!
Now the punk/skater despising side of me says “Good for these little shithead bastards. I hope they all fall and crack their heads open on 30 flights of stairs.” But the immature/kid side of me says “These are fucking awesome! I must have a pair now!”
Today I finally caved and said “To hell with what other people say! Walking is overrated and if I can roll half the time I’m on my feet, well that just makes my life 50% easier/more dangerous.” So I head over to Journey’s at The Shoppes at Montage to chat it up with my friend Manny, the manager, who had set aside a pair for me.
I get there and he hands me the box and I open it and lo and behold are prolly the coolest looking shoes I’d ever seen. White with red and black, which are basically my favorite colors. This is even more awesome because they’re the largest pair in stock and the only one’s left. The heavens smiled upon me at that moment.
Unfortunately, they were only smiling for a moment, because when I tried them on, even a size 12 was tighter than a dog’s asshole. Manny then informed me that Heelys doesn’t make a size bigger than 12 because it’s cost prohibitive for them to manufacture shoes for “adults” and, apparently, I’m the only douchebag on the planet over the age of 15 who actually wants a pair.
How does a company get away with offering something as awesome as the Heelys and descriminate against adults? What, just because I’m 26 I have to walk everywhere? I mean, sure, I can drive, but what’s the fun in that? I wanna get drunk and Heely down the hill I live on!
It’s people like this that give the entire religious world a bad name. These “faith healers” tend to take these things too far and just end up looking like jackasses.
This gets my vote for funniest video of the month. Extreme rice making! Hellz yeah!
One of the only times in history that the pitcher needed a helmet more than the batter.
If you thought you were good at Beer Pong, prepare to bow down to this guy!
