SomewhatDamaged.net

When the department store announced that there was a 50% off sale on orthopedic shoes all hell broke loose.

Well it started out looking like they were going to do something else. Oh well, this is cool too. I guess.

I’m not sure if this would fly in the work place, but I’m willing to find out tomorrow…

In the past, anyone wishing to scale a wall for purposes of thievery or unintentionally hilarious suicide had to do it the old-fashioned way: strapping toilet plungers to their limbs. The folks at Gekkomat have taken us into a future that not only improves exponentially on the plunger device, but may also bring a series of spectacular and comedic deaths into the world.

The device was supposedly inspired by the gecko, whose climbing ability the company wanted to duplicate “as naturally as possible.”

By “naturally”, they mean with four huge vacuum pads, a computer and a big tank of compressed air.

This gecko is only able to adhere to this tree by means
of a hidden air tank and a computer.

The Gekkomat is an awesome concept, no doubt, but the makers themselves have difficulty explaining its usefulness. The website suggests it could be used as a lifesaving device, or just for any old time when you need to scale a big wall. They stop short of saying “to steal stuff or look at naked women.”

The Gekkomat can hold up to a ton of weight (like if you want to steal a grand piano from a penthouse apartment, I guess), but is probably only meant for quick smash and grab jobs. Why? The tank only holds enough air for about 30 minutes of climbing.

Built-in sensors let you know when errors have occured and, says Gekkomat, “alternatives to solve the situation are offered by the computer.”

Has anyone ever done a flaming shot successfully?

When I was in high school, after my brother had been away to college, I accidentally left a porno movie in my parents VCR. They found it and confronted me about it. I denied vigorously that it was mine. Then finally after a few hours I decided to man up and I walked up to my dad and I was like “Dad. I have something to tell you. That porno you found was mine.” And my dad looked at me and goes, “No shit moron, you’re the only one who lives in this house besides me and your mother.” He was not surprised. That story’s totally made up, but I’m less surprised at the following news than he was about that porn being mine. Msn.com reports:

Clay Aiken is finally confirming what many people already knew: He’s gay.

The cover of the latest People magazine shows Aiken holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: “Yes, I’m Gay.”

Here’s what I think happened: Clay’s publicist was like “listen, your career is at fourth and long. You’re down by six and you need a hail mary. It’s time to drop back and throw the gay bomb.” At which point Clay responded “No you fool! It’s too early! My scientists haven’t finished the gay bomb yet, but it will be ready soon. Oh yes, soon everyone in the world will be sucking – wait, you were making a football analogy weren’t you? Ha, you were. Disregard what I said about the scientists and gay bomb and stuff.”

I love how the cover is Aiken, and it just says “Yes, I’m gay.” As if that’s shocking. Here’s next week’s cover:

Clearly, the whole situation is the boss’ fault. He fires and insults someone, and then leaves them alone in his office–what did he think would happen?

This cat moves all the way up the hall without ever moving it’s feet!

This guy took a picture of himself every day for the last 17 years and then streamed the pictures into a 2 minute video. Imagine if Amy Winehouse tried this.

Apparently, this woman’s never heard of a tow truck and actually thinks this truck is speeding down the highway in reverse.